练习
Nowadays, taking part-time jobs in college has become a popular phenomenon, while focusing on study is still a common choice for many people. In my opinion, taking part-time jobs in college is a better choice, and its advantages are more obvious than those of focusing on study.
First of all, taking part-time jobs is extremely helpful for college students. For example, working part-time jobs allow college students to acquire hands-on experience and a whole range of soft and hard skills.
allow -> allows
Besides, taking part-time jobs is more meaningful. For instance, depending on the type of job, college students can develop technical skills, such as data analysis, computer programming, and customer service. which helps them make better choice for their future.
make better choice -> make a better choices
customer service -> communication skills
Finally, taking part-time jobs offers great beneficial. One of the most significant benefits is that it provides extra income, which can make their study experience more comfortable and more enjoyable.
great beneficial-> great benefits great 是副词 需修饰「名词」
more comfortable and more enjoyable -> more comfortable and enjoyable
Although focusing on study allows people to have full time to do their study, the small advantage cannot match the benefits of taking part-time jobs. In conclusion, taking part-time jobs is more helpful, meaningful, and beneficial.
For these reasons, I definitely support taking part-time jobs as a superior choice for most people.
have full time to do their study -> have plenty of time for their studies
优化后
Nowadays, taking part-time jobs in college has become a popular phenomenon, while focusing on study is still a common choice for many people. In my opinion, taking part-time jobs in college is a better choice, and its advantages are more obvious than those of focusing on study.
First of all, taking part-time jobs is extremely helpful for college students. For example, working part-time jobs allows college students to acquire hands-on experience and a whole range of soft and hard skills.
Besides, taking part-time jobs is more meaningful. For instance, depending on the type of job, college students can develop technical skills, such as data analysis, computer programming, and communication skills, which helps them make better choices for their future.
Finally, taking part-time jobs offers great benefits. One of the most significant benefits is that it provides extra income, which can make their study experience more comfortable and more enjoyable.
Although focusing on study allows people to have full time to do their studies, the small advantage cannot match the benefits of taking part-time jobs. In conclusion, taking part-time jobs is more helpful, meaningful, and beneficial. For these reasons, I definitely support taking part-time jobs as a superior choice for most people.