模板：
Nowadays, [话题现象] has become an increasingly popular [行为/现象], while [对比现象] is still a common choice for many people. In my opinion, [我的观点] is a better choice, and its advantages are more obvious than those of [对立观点].
First of all, [主题] is extremely [形容词] for [目标群体]. For example, [具体例子说明], which saves a lot of precious time, especially for [特定人群].
Besides, [主题] is more [形容词]. For instance, [具体例子]. What is more, [进一步说明], which helps them make better choices.
Finally, [主题] offers great [特点]. [相关平台/技术] also allow/allows for [具体优势]. [数据或技术说明] which can be used to [带来的好处].
Although [对立观点的优势] allows people to [对立观点做法], this small advantage cannot match the benefits of [我的观点]. In conclusion, [我的观点] is more [优点1], [优点2], and [优点3]. For these reasons, I definitely support [我的观点] as a superior choice for most people.
练习
Nowadays, online shopping has become an increasingly popular way of shopping, while traditional in-store shopping is still a common choice for many people. In my opinion, online shopping is a better choice, and its advatages are more obvious than those of offline shopping.
advatages → 应为 advantages
convenient → 应为 shop conveniently
First of all, online shopping is extremely convenient for modern people. For example, people do not need to go out of their home, and they can convenient at any time by using a mobile phone, which saves a lot of precious time, especially for busy office workers.
home -> homes
they can convenient at any time → 应为 they can shop conveniently at any time
Besides, online shopping is more economical. For instance, related service provides usually have lower costs. What is more, people can easily compare different options with just a few simple operations, which helps them make better choices.
service provides → 应为 service providers
Final, online shopping is great personalization. E-commerce platform also allow for a highly personalized and customized user experience technologies and data analytics. Data about a customers’s past purchases and online activities offer insight into their intersts which can be used to deliver a personalized experience.
intersts → 应为 interests
Final → 应为 Finally
E-commerce platform also allow → 应为 E-commerce platforms also allow
customers’s → 应为 customer’s
E-commerce platforms also allow for a highly personalized and customized user experience through technologies and data analytics. 原句缺少连接词，这里 添加了 “through”
Although offline shopping allows people to check products in person, this small advantage cannot match the benefits of online shopping. In conclusion, online shopping is more convenient, economical and personalization, For these reasons, I definitely support online shopping as a superior choice for most people.
economical and personalization → 应为 economical, and personalized
优化后
Nowadays, online shopping has become an increasingly popular way of shopping, while traditional in-store shopping is still a common choice for many people. In my opinion, online shopping is a better choice, and its advantages are more obvious than those of offline shopping.
First of all, online shopping is extremely convenient for modern people. For example, people do not need to go out of their homes, and they can shop conveniently at any time by using a mobile phone, which saves a lot of precious time, especially for busy office workers.
Besides, online shopping is more economical. For instance, related service providers usually have lower costs. What is more, people can easily compare different options with just a few simple operations, which helps them make better choices.
Finally, online shopping offers great personalization. E-commerce platforms also allow for a highly personalized and customized user experience through technologies and data analytics. Data about a customer’s past purchases and online activities offer insight into their interests, which can be used to deliver a personalized experience.
offer insight into sth 「提供关于某事的深入了解；洞悉某事」
a personalized experience 「个性化体验」
deliver （v. 提供）
Although offline shopping allows people to check products in person, this small advantage cannot match the benefits of online shopping. In conclusion, online shopping is more convenient, economical, and personalized. For these reasons, I definitely support online shopping as a superior choice for most people.
in person (亲自)
superior （adj. （规模或实力）更大的，更强的，(在品质上)更好的；）